A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
We had to coat check the pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
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