We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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