Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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