It's like a parade of train wrecks.
now i know why i became what i already was.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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