Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
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Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
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well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
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