I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Randomize
