Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Randomize
