Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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