I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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