i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
