Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
