Can i not drive my cunt home
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Randomize
