i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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