Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
