Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I have fence marks all over my body
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
