you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
