why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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