Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
