took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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