I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Randomize
