Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
