If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize