Can Purell be used as lube?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
