So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
