i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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