did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
and she was petting her beer can
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
You're like the curious george of whores
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
