hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
