omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
