hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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