wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
