after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
