i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I'm really busy with my period
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