Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
