She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
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Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
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And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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