is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
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I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
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Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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