Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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