I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
That's how pantless uber rides happen
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
