so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
