You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
