My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
