it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
