i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
