Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
