I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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