You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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