Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
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