She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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