yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
