I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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