what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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