Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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