Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
