I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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