How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
