so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
