In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Just took my morning after pill in the library
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
