so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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