Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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