thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
