It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
