Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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