You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
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