She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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