I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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