Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
No I am not eating basil off your cock
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"